Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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