So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
