oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
