I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
