We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
