Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
