How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
