Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
two words: eviction party
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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