now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
