you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
