how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
