I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
