Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
