we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
tell me about the eggs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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