You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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