Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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