mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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