I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I did not marry a roomba.
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