I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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