So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
