Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
