Need sex. Gaining weight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
