You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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