I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
