I never want to see another naked old woman again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
