True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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