OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
last night I used snow as a chaser
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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