just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
