I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
