i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
