Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
