Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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