fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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