I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
