Don't you send me to vm
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
