Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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