It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
