I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
