You smell like stripper and shame
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
