I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
