i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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