Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
