Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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