Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
