Dual....:-)
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
