The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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