im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
