i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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