I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
