im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
