I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
