I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
