a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
