Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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