people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
