i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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