Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You can't just leave with hair like that
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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