I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway