so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.