I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.