I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
As shirtless as possible
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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