gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book