Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."

  (716): View more from New York

  lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.

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  (267): Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious." (716): lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus. http://tfl.nu/bbah
  Replies (4) Good night (754) Bad night (1975)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
  Replies (26) Good night (5279) Bad night (641)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

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  (201): you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time. http://tfl.nu/39ft
  Replies (28) Good night (2006) Bad night (3165)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.

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  (317): Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am. http://tfl.nu/ygwv
  Replies (11) Good night (1004) Bad night (5448)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances

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  (407): He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances http://tfl.nu/rv67
  Replies (50) Good night (809) Bad night (3991)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?

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  (317): How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/0zg1
  Replies (84) Good night (1195) Bad night (8584)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

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  (609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0
  Replies (98) Good night (2149) Bad night (8945)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (1006) Bad night (2943)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.

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  (614): There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs. http://tfl.nu/ysqt
  Replies (10) Good night (3285) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.

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  (505): Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath. http://tfl.nu/rm8d
  Replies (12) Good night (2891) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

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  (443): My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love. http://tfl.nu/12sb
  Replies (8) Good night (3657) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."

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  (248): So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits." http://tfl.nu/x9en
  Replies (6) Good night (2542) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.

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  (586): My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween. http://tfl.nu/l0yk
  Replies (2) Good night (1027) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.

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  (818): I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt. http://tfl.nu/o8z5
  Replies (8) Good night (1088) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.

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  (516): He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP. http://tfl.nu/qa9j
  Replies (0) Good night (316) Bad night (596)

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