just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
