I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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