My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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