i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time