Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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