I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i will never coherently bang her
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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