My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
