I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
