The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
