Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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