I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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