So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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