May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
