I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
