Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
