I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
