I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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