You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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