i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
