ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
