so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
