Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
